Saturday, September 8, 2012

Worst Love Scene Ever (Adults Only)

Free image from Public Doman ClipArt
A little while back a good writing friend of mine, Tracey O'hara (aka Tracie Sommers) did an erotic workshop. I offered to do a 'how not to' write a love scene for her class, to help show how off putting a sex scene can be if written badly.

Here, in all it's badness, is that scene...


Misty Slag stepped into the elevator a second before its doors slid shut, enclosing her and superstar rocker, Don Ron Lovie, in their own tiny metal and darkly tinted glass world.

He looked at her with wasted, approving green orbs, the whites clearly bright red. “You wanna fuck?” he slurred drunkenly.

She gave him her most seductive stare from her blue peepers, pushing out her bosoms in her white blouse with intricate lace netting as she did so. “You got me, big boy.” She lifted her micro mini, which she’d spent half her Hungry Jack’s pay cheque on. She grimaced prettily. She might need to ask for more than ten hours a week.

She had nothing underneath her micro mini and her love box had been waxed bare, showing off the lush pink petals of her nether lips. That’s where the other half of her pay had gone. “I’m known around these parts as the pub bike.” As he leered at her, she added breathlessly, “And I’m prepared to give you the ride of your life.”

He jabbed the emergency stop button and the elevator juddered to a stop. He hooked a long, double-joined thumb with a chewed nail at the camera. “Let’s give security a show.”

They stripped in seconds and she thrust her hard mounds against his downy torso, one of her hands grasping his turgid, throbbing love tool and giving it an expert rub. Ten inches of stallion meat quivered and trembled willingly in her digits, a smear of love juice quickly coating the palm of her soft, pale hand. “I want your famous penis inside my vagina,” she croaked brazenly.

“Don’t mind if I do,” he said arrogantly, as was the way with many rock stars of renown.

The next minute they were on the floor. First he was on top, pushing and thrusting his long member into her slippery, wet love passage, and then she was on top, riding him, her globes with her tawny-pink shell nipples bouncing up and down like peaches jumping about in a box trailer.

“I’m going to come,” he groaned grittily, “I’m going to come.”

She could feel his hot semen spurt inside her, filling her channel. Then she came too. “Ooooooh.”

She collapsed on him, breathing hard, panting. “That was the best fuck ever,” she admitted unwillingly.

He chuckled loudly, and she wondered what his breath smelled like. “Another notch on my bedpost, lovey. Now get off me, it’s my bed time and I’m tired.”

 

 

12 comments:

Catherine said...

oh, Mel, that it truly wonderful :)

Cath

Maryde said...

Thanks for sharing Mel
Teeheeee ... I giggled all the way through. Loved it, but for the entertainment. As a scene it made me shudder LOL

Mel Teshco said...

Thanks Catherine and Maryde - wonderfully terrible LOL!

Christina Phillips said...

Stallion meat! Oh my... *sniggers*!!!

Mel Teshco said...

haha - brings quite the picture to mind doesn't it Christina LOL!

Kylie Scott said...

Oh God, the emotion of these two star crossed lovers...

S E Gilchrist said...

So funny, thanks for sharing, Mel. I loved the reference to stallion meat.

Mel Teshco said...

Kylie I know! the emotions between them are incredible *g*

Sandy said...

Oh, Mel, that was priceless! :)

Mel Teshco said...

LOL Sandy =))

Tracie Sommers said...

i love this scene so much

Mel Teshco said...

Thanks Trace, it's definitely laughable =)

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